A Process

Today I am upset.  I am in a process of grieving of sorts.  And I do realize it's a process, but today, it still stands that I am upset.

I am upset because of untruth.  I am upset because of people who would rather live in darkness than in light and therefore ruin good things.  I am upset because sometimes it doesn't feel like the Good is really winning and it feels like there is nothing I can do about it.

Recently, we made the choice to leave our church.  It was not an easy choice.  And though I do believe it was the right choice to make, it does not make me happy to have made it.  And now there is a time of saying goodbye.  I know the church will continue on without us, as it should.  But I grieve for the good that was left  that we will no longer be able to be a part of.  And I grieve that our leaving may mean things will become more difficult for some people there.

I grieve mostly because it seems that good people, God's people, are being deceived and would rather listen to lies than to truth.  No one can make a person see truth.  No one can make people believe truth.  It is an option.  But when we become so entrenched in lies that we can no longer see truth, we begin to call those lies truth and hang on to them for dear life. 

It makes me worry for my own life sometimes.  What "truths" have I hung on to and defended, not realizing they were really lies?  Some, gladly, I can look back and see how God has brought parts of my thinking into the light.  But there are other parts I wonder about.

So today, I am upset, angry and frustrated.  If I could scream loud enough and people would hear me, I would do it.  If I could give something or do something that would change their points of view and open their eyes, I would.  I love that church and the people there.  What can one do when people would rather walk in darkness than in light?

One person knew what to do.  He let himself be killed in order that people may see and accept the light.  I am not that man.  But I do follow him and wish to be like him.

Lord, open my eyes to any lies I am accepting as truth.  Open my heart to feel what you feel and see what you see.  Give me the strength to die over and over again if that is what it takes for people to see and accept You.